What She Could Never Say
by Darkwing333
Summary: The words she could never say, of the reason she committed the crime. What did he really do to her? A Jate oneshot.


**Author's Note:** This is my second one-shot. I just got the idea and wrote it last night. I wasn't sure if i should post it or not, because i found the writting to be a little weak, but who knows, i am super critical of myself. So if you like it please, **please,** review and tell me how the story was! Enjoy!

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**What She Could Never Say**

"Kate..."

"Kate."

"Kate!" Jack's voice rang out in the early morning air.

"Kate, wait! I didn't mean…"

"You don't know anything about me!" Kate spun on her heels and faced Jack, tears threatening to spill over, "Just leave me alone. Jack… just leave me alone!" She walked backwards a few paces before spinning around and heading into the jungle at breakneck speed.

But no matter how fast she ran or how far, she can never seem to escape, "Kate?" As her name fades into the distance, she can just never get far enough away…

LOSTLOSTLOSTLOST

Flashback:

_Kate stares blankly out the car window as they drive along the road at on a rainy night. The Marshal is escorting her._

"_It's a long drive back to the arraignment. You comfy?" The Marshal chuckles when she doesn't respond and there is a long pause as Kate continues to stare out the window, finally the Marshal asks "Why now?" _

"_What?" Kate asks confused._

"_Nice corn-fed farm girl like yourself, no history of violence, straight A's, no record," A smile turns up his lips, "couple speeding tickets, just gotta wonder, why'd you kill him now?" pause as Kate doesn't respond… "Oh, right, ya, don't tell me. Wouldn't want to incriminate yourself. Not after you were so smart planning it." The Marshal mocks her, "That jury back in Iowa sure ain't gonna get hung up on premeditation… and a gas leek." He lowers his voice, "Come on it's… It's amateur from top to bottom."_

"_Sounds like you got it all figured out." Kate responds._

"_I _do_ have you all figured out."_

"_You don't know anything about me." Kate hissed._

_The Marshal puts on a knowing smile before continuing. "White trash mom, divorces dad, starts up with some guy whose a drinker, maybe knocks her around a little bit, she marries him, cause ya know, that's what happens. Then this drunk, this _Waynehe_ moves into _your_ house, and you get to lay there every night and listen to him doing your mom right there in your daddies old bedroom. And even that wouldn't be so bad if he didn't beat her up all the time."_

"_But she loves him," The marshal continues, "she defends him, if that don't make someone want to kill somebody I don't know what does." The marshal's voice rises as he asks the question, "But the question is, why now, why after all these years did you just _decide_ to blow poor Wayne up?" Kate stares out the window away from the Marshal's penetrating gaze, "He come knocking on your door late at night?"_

_With defiance Kate looks at the Marshal, "He never touched me."_

LOSTLOSTLOSTLOST

"_He come knocking on your door late at night?"_

"…_at night?… at night?… at night?"_

"_Did he come knocking… knocking… knocking…"_

"Kate!" Jack burst through the trees, catching his breathe slightly he stops and runs his hands through his hair. "Kate, Where've you been, I've been looking…" Jack gives Kate a scrutinizing look, confusion creasing his brow something just wasn't right about her, "Kate?"

He saw her sitting on the rock she'd found in the jungle somewhere off the path to the caves, he's not sure for how long she's been sitting in that one spot. She looks like a statue frozen in time, and for a moment he wonders if she's even breathing.

He knew he caused this… somehow. He was asking too many questions, getting to personal and she got scared. So she did what she did best, she ran.

"Kate?" Suddenly Jack is kneeling in front of Kate, his eyes searching her over for injuries, for some sort of… explanation. Worry reflected in Jack's face as he felt her forehead for a fever. _'Nothing. I've never seen Kate like this before.'_ Why was she acting like this, she wouldn't even look at him. She was just staring at… nothing. Placing his hands on her arms, "Kate," Jack, speaks gently afraid he might scare her. "I need to know what's wrong, are you hurt… Kate please…just… look at me."

Jack sat, like that, with Kate for a while, rubbing his thumbs over her hands, "Kate, I'll be here if you need to talk, _anytime _you need to talk. You have to know that."

Her green eyes darted to his briefly; her eyes were filled with so much anguish and regret, as she whispered, "I could never tell anyone."

Confusion wrinkled Jacks brow as he tried to catch her gaze again, "What…?" _'What was she talking about? What happened to her?'_

_Once again Kate heard to echoing of the Marshal's words in her head, over and over again, "He come knocking on your door late at night?"_

"I didn't know what to do." Kate's gazed far away, lost in some memory, "I could never tell my mom… I tried once…" Her face started to flush and her eyes glassed.

She looks down at her hands, "But… I just couldn't… that's why I had to stop him, all by myself."

"Him? Stop who, Kate?" Jack's face creases further in worry, worry for Kate, but also a worry for what he might be about to hear.

She went on as if she couldn't hear him. Maybe she couldn't.

"He kept hitting her." Kate's voice rose and octave, "And I just wanted him to stop, to stop hurting her, to stop," Kate gasped for air and her words rushed on, "To stop hurting my mom… and me. He wouldn't, there was nothing I could do!"

Lightly Jack reached up and wiped away a stray tear that was running down Kate's face, _'What had she been through…?'_

"And I just couldn't take it anymore… so I set a leek in the house…" Kate whispered, "he didn't even notice when I helped him to bed, asked what the funny smell was and I told him it was his breathe. That's how drunk he was, then he called me beautiful…" Kate stopped, and gasped for more air as she started to sob her voice growing louder, but she couldn't stop, even when every fiber of her being was protesting to this confession. "I felt like throwing up, all those time he came to my… when my mom was away… she never knew… I couldn't stop him… he was too strong."

Jack felt like he was suffocating along with her. What she had been through… _'No one should have to go though that.'_

Kate's words were becoming disjointed. "After he called… me beautiful… he tried to… grab me, but I was ready," Kate's eye caught Jack's and pleaded with him to understand, he was her only hope, "I pushed him back down onto the bed… and he was so drunk he just fell asleep… It was so easy. I just walked outside, hopped on my bike and rode away. The house blew up sooner than I expected. I almost got caught in the blast."

Tears were rolling down her cheeks freely now, but her hiccups had slowed down. She seemed to be finished, "Kate, I am so sorry…"_ 'What else can I say? What can I do to make the pain go away? To make her know she can trust me?' _And then the side that Jack was always trying to push away rose up and reared it's ugly head, _'She killed someone. She planned it all out! What type of horrible person does that?'_

'_NO! She was trying to stop someone who was hurting her.' His good side protested._

'_But she murdered. In cold blood!'_

'_What else was she supposed to do? She had no one to go to… so just what _was_ she supposed to do?'_

Suddenly Kate pulled her hands away from Jack's, his face must have shown the conflict he was innerly fighting, and she turned away. But he knew Kate, he knew what she was capable of, he had seen her in action. Her relentless fighting spirit, her strength and determination… and irritating stubbornness, even when it put her in harms way. Now that he thought about it, it all made sense. How she had pushed him away after their kiss, how she stood in the sand for hours as if punishing herself, how she was always the first one to sign up for any adventure, right in the face of danger. He had always wondered if she was _trying_ to kill herself.

Kate pulled her arms around herself tighter, protectively, "I... Jack…" He heard her mumble, no doubt trying to explain.

Kneeling there next to Kate, Jack started to understand, a little bit more about the mysterious, tough, beautiful women before him. Her pain made tangible in his hands. _'Why did she chose to tell me? Why now?'_ So many questions, too few answers.

She was holding herself her knuckles white, her face taught and bright from crying, afraid of what he might do next. She was _afraid_ of _him_. "Kate," Jack gently put his hands on her shoulders turning her slowly, "I'll always be here for you." Her green eyes looked brighter than usual against her pink skin, and her freckles stood out making her look like a little girl who should have braids in her hair and be playing hop-scotch. _'Did she ever get to do that? Was she ever just an innocent little girl?' _

He'd have to take a risk, he'd have to leave his training behind, his moral '_doctor'_ side that protested against everything she was doing, against everything he was about to do.

Slowly Jack stood up, Kate shuttered and her face started to crumble. Perhaps she thought he was abandoning her after all, like everyone else in her life. Maybe she even though, in some twisted way he was going to hurt her, he wouldn't hit her. Never! A sudden guilt came over Jack as he realized how many times he _had_ hurt Kate, not physically, but by ignoring her and excluding her and judging her. But most of all, when she needed him most, after she had confessed to killing the man she loved, he had abandoned her. Just walked away.

He wouldn't do that again.

Leaning down, Jack reached out his hand, a small smile quirking his lips encouragingly. He wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

He saw her turn her head, her green eyes questioning, not expecting this gesture of kindness, and it made Jack's heart hurt even more. Her fingers twitched and she unwrapped them from her arms. Her eyes traveling from Jacks face to his hands.

But it was up to her; he had taken a chance, a leap of faith, in a man of science. He had reached out his hand

Now all she had to do was take it.

LOSTLOSTLOSTLOST

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The end. This is just a one-shot so don't get anyother ideas. Please don't forget to review, love to hear all your opinions or if you just red the story. Even if you just write one word. :)


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